Nothing to Live For
by Sara's Earliest Works
Summary: Ugh. Probably one of my most embarassing fics of this time, complete with whiny disclaimer.


"Nothing to live for"  
by Sara Jaye 

As you can tell by the title, this story is rather depressing. Sad fanfics and being depressed to begin with are a bad mix. Oh well.  
Anyway, I've had this idea in my head for quite some time now: What if Kunzite had stopped Queen Beryl from killing Zoisite...at the cost of his own life? I mean, don't get me wrong, not like I've got anything against Kunzite-sama, but...well, I HATE how the anime had Queen Beryl kill off Zoisite that way. I hate it so much! I mean, Nephrite screwed up much worse and damn near turned traitor from falling in love, but Beryl didn't even get mad at him till his final episodes! Yet all Zoisite did was kill off the man Beryl wanted for herself, and she blasted him to death! -- That's just wrong!  
ahem But anyway...;;; I know you're probably wondering "Well, why is she letting out all this frustration on Kunzite.  
well, another theory of mine is that Kunzite felt pretty lousy after Zoisite's death. The anime made him look cold and emotionless most of the time, but I'm of the firm belief that he loved Zoisite with all his heart and most likely wished he could have saved him...but that's just me being a rabid KunzitexZoisite lover and even more rabid Zoisite worshipper. But enough of my ramblings.  
Anyway, it's pretty obvious when this story takes place. It begins 1 second after the moment Zoisite dies in the episode, only the roles are switched. ;  
(Zoisite: ...Sara, you're getting very odd lately...I'm worried about you. I think this end-of-school stuff is frying your brain.  
Sara: Don't remind me. )  
ahem Sorry. I better end this author's note before I get worse. ;; But one final note: If you're already feeling depressed or are feeling good and don't wanna ruin it, you may want to avoid this...  
There. I'll shut up now. :P

Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei animation. None of the characters belong to me.  
This story is yaoi, and pretty depressing, so if that kind of thing bothers you, you may want to close this window. Otherwise, enjoy!

One moment.  
In just one moment's time, what was left of my world crumbled around me...the only good left in my life taken away from me. The one person who truly cared for me, loved me for who I was...gone.  
I am now truly alone in this soulless kingdom. Without you, I feel so cold and vulnerable...just like I did before I met you.  
My life has lost whatever meaning it had left to it.  
Why did you leave me? It wasn't supposed to be this way...you weren't supposed to die. I was...I was impulsive and disobeyed Queen Beryl. Even afer you advised me against it. I should have been the one to die. Not you.  
But you just had to run in front of me just as she fired at me. You had to take the blast for me...you had to protect me even if it cost you your life.  
Don't get me wrong, I'm not being unappreciative here. And I know what you said about not wanting me to die...you loved me that much, you said. That you'd give your own life to protect me.  
Which makes losing you hurt even more.  
I don't know what hurts more...just knowing you're gone and I'll never see you again, or why you're gone.  
Sighing, I wrap my arms tightly around myself, trying to shield myself from the biting cold. Oh, Gods, how I miss feeling your strong arms around me, sheltering me from the cold nights...comforting me when I was depressed...or just holding me because you felt like it. Without you, I am unable to feel any warmth.  
I remember the look in your eyes just before you left me, as I held you in my arms. I remember how you told me not to cry, that you forgave me. That you only took the blast for me because you loved me too much to let me die.  
How you kissed me just moments before you left.  
I can still feel the warmth from your lips on mine...the only warmth left in this cold, aching, body of mine.  
I still can't believe you're really gone. I saw you fall. You died in my arms...yet I still can't believe it. This feels like a bad dream...yes, that's it. Maybe I'm dreaming. I'll pinch myself, then the next thing I know I'll wake up with you beside me in our bed...or in your arms.  
"Ow!" I wince, my fingernails digging into my hand.  
And that's when it hits me like a blow to the chest. I feel the impact so much I sink to my knees, shaking badly as tears stream down my cheeks. I feel like I'm going to be sick.  
I figured as much.  
You really are gone. Forever.  
And I am alone. Fated to spend the rest of my days trying to survive the bleakness of the Dark Kingdom. Without you by my side, my only light in this darkness...my only warmth on the coldest nights.  
my only reason to live.  
I have nothing to live for now.  
Nothing.  
Life as I know it has lost any and all meaning it ever had. There's no point anymore...no reason for me to be here. I can already feel myself becoming hollow. A shell of the man I once was...a dark pit of lonely, painful emptiness.  
I don't want to live anymore. I can't go on like this. It just hurts too much...but I know I can't kill myself. You gave your life to protect me for a reason. I can't-no, I won't let your sacrifice be in vain.  
I miss you so much, Kunzite-sama. Not a day goes by where I don't think about you, long for your warm embrace, or hear your soft, deep voice echoing in my mind.  
I can only wait for the day we will be together again.

Zoisite's shoulders shook as he glanced at the page of his black leatherbound journal one last time. He had written that entry that fateful day, one week ago...but it seemed like only yesterday. Brushing away tears, he put his pen back in his desk drawer, closed the journal, and slipped it under his pillow. For a moment, he could hear Kunzite chiding him to go to sleep, as it was almost midnight. He looked around for a moment, then sighed. He knew it was only his imagination, as usual.  
"Kunzite-sama..." he whispered as tears slid down his cheeks. He got into bed, pulled the covers tightly around himself, and picked up a framed picture of Kunzite that lay on his nightstand. "I love you...I always will. No matter what...I'll never forget you," he choked before slowly setting the picture back down. Zoisite then buried his face against his pillow and curled up slighty, shivering.  
'My life is so empty without you,' he thought. 'I've nothing to live for...nothing'  
With that thought repeating itself in his head, Zoisite cried himself to sleep.  
End

Yes, it got rather sappy and melodramatic in some places, and I apologize. I'm just too good at this stuff sometimes.  
Maybe I'll write another spamfic tomorrow to make up for this. :P  
Till then, ja ne!


End file.
